I Hate My Voice

I hate my voice. I really hate my voice. Most of the time, I don't even think about my voice. I know how it sounds in my head, and I know how it sounds to me when I speak. When I hear a recording of my voice, I hate it. I sound like someone else. I sound like a dullard. My speech is slower than I hear myself speak.

In my job, I am on a lot of conference calls. Lately, I feel like I'm whining a lot (oh look, I'm doing it now). I haven't heard my voice recorded lately, so I don't know whether I am or not. Since I've been aware of it, I've been making a conscious effort not to do it. Maybe I was, but maybe my voice actually sounded better. I've been told that I have a deep speaking voice. I don't hear it, but maybe I do

I don't like my written voice either. When I write these posts, I spend a lot of time going over them, changing this nuance here, that grammatical structure there. I try to be witty and wry. I try very hard to avoid being condescending. I fail miserably. When I go back and read my posts, I sound plodding and pedantic. I sound, well, condescending. The frustrating thing is that they sound fine while I'm writing them.

I've heard it said that some musicians never listen to their music after it has been produced, some actors never watch their movies, and some writers never read their books once they are in print. I think I know how they feel.